The Last Crumb

(Background. This came from one of Hugh Lupton and Eric Maddern’s storytelling retreats, with a theme of ‘animals’One of the participants had asked “What did the swan say to the raven?” Another participant heard this as “What did the SCONE say to the raven?” This got me thinking about scones and animals. In the story below we hear one side of a conversation between a creature and a scone, and the results. The creature is never named, but it is fairly easy to work out who it is.)

“My word, you are a most elegant scone. You must be made with the finest flour, the best butter. And so plump and full of currants. Why, you look good enough to …”

“But enough of that. I see you looking at the river. Do you want to cross?”

“I wouldn’t advise it. If you try to cross, you’ll end up as nothing but crumbs. The water will loosen you and make you crumble, the rocks will bash bits from you.”

“Can I swim? Yes, and I do so when there is a good reason.”

“Will I carry you across the river? Climb on my back, and we will see what happens.”

“The water is beginning to reach you, is it? Well, I am not used to carrying anything on my back. Climb higher, onto my neck.”

“Even on my neck, the water is reaching you? You are a considerable weight. I think you will have to climb to the top of my head.”

“Yes, I know my head is nearly underwater. But my nose and mouth are above it, and will stay above. So just climb onto my nose.”

“Are you settled on my nose? You are! Well, then …”

Hopla!!

* * * * * * * *

I can see that some of you who are listening to my story are disturbed. Do you think I promised the scone to take it across the river, and I broke my promise?

You should have listened to what I said. I told him “Climb on my back, and we will see what happens.” Well, he climbed on my back and we did see. At least, I did. And I warned him “Try to cross, the river, and you’ll end up as nothing but crumbs.”

And, if I stretch out my tongue, and lick around my mouth, not even crumbs.